Addiction in America is on the rise and more and more people are dying and suffering from this disease. The silent killer of Addiction does not just kill the person who is the addict it is killing the people who love the addict as well. I have spoken from the addict point of view since the beginning but I also want to express that my mission is not just towards helping the addict but the family and loved ones of the addict as well. See I have lived in both pairs of shoes coming from a long line of addicts I have seen first hand what damage can come from watching a loved one suffer from this diereses. I lost my mother almost 3 years ago to Cirrhosis of the Liver and up to the day my mother got so sick to when was not able to function or speak she denied the fact that her Alcoholism was the cause of her death sentence, that was the most frustrating and painful thing I have lived knowing that my mother was going to die way before her time and the cause was because of a another disease, her Alcoholism was so bad that she remained in denial to the very end I even suspected many times she was still sneaking and drinking when she was not supposed to because of the signs and now looking back on it from a clear perspective I truly believe that was correct in these feelings. What brings this blog idea is that I just recently had a close friend send me a letter to Addiction from the side of a loved one she posted it on my HnA Facebook page but I am going to share it on here because I truly feel this is the best explanation and heartfelt plied from a loved one of an Addict.I asked her if I can share this as I feel that everyone needs to hear what it is like from both sides of this disease. This disease is an equal opportunity destroyer it does not care what race, sex, age or how much money you make, no one is exempt from this disease and anyone and everyone is effected by it in so many ways. Here is the letter to Addiction written by an anonymous friend, this moved me THANK YOU for your courage in expressing your feelings I know this was not easy but it will help others.
Let me explain what you’ve done to me. I personally only experience you in nicotine. But you have made your way to me in different forms through different people. You take over. As if you control every being, including myself. Do you know how many times I have been told I’m the one that needs help, I’m crazy, I don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m a frigid bitch, I should go to counseling. All because of you. Some people have physical violence from you. I myself have had verbal. More than I care to admit. Because apparently you aren’t the problem, but I am. Responsibilities don’t matter to you or how you make people feel. Lies are ok…like going to a store for pop and returning 2 hours later, like I don’t know. Or telling me over and over with promises of love that you are going to chill out and that the alcohol is out of hand and I’m right. Lies. A small comfort for a few days just to keep my ‘crazy’ mouth quiet. You aren’t just a black shadow to them, but also to me. You follow everyone. And knowing that means I can’t ever relax and am constantly on edge. Because I’ll never know when you are going to show up? What’s going to happen? How can I defend myself against you when you are here because you don’t listen? And sometimes I even catch myself making excuses for you bc it’s not that bad…..right? But it is. Mr Addiction, you live in the pit of my stomach every day. You have for a long time in different ways. But I always feel the same. Down. Alone. Crazy. Weak over the power you hold. I’d like to beat you down, if I could. But I can’t. You aren’t my battle. I know I’m stronger than you are and i wouldn’t let you control me. You prey on people…do you know that? Because you make people think the bad stuff goes away with you. But it doesn’t. It gets worse. Everything that you are around gets worse. You are a nightmare and addicts think you are a dream. I will say out loud that I hate you and everything that comes along with you. The fighting, the hate AND the resentment you cause. But most of all, the hurt. The pain that an addict doesn’t understand, but the other side of an addict does. Me. I’m the other side. I see you rip apart lives, events, birthdays, ruin memories, togetherness, and most of all love. Each one more worse than the last. But I know you don’t care. You don’t see what you do. Or how it picks away at the person I am because you are so defeating. You have ruined parts of me, but I won’t go into that. Why bother? You are the one battle I won’t ever win. But that’s not on me. That’s on the people you live inside of. So, at 35 years old I ask….do I want to fight you the rest of my life? I know I can’t. I’m tired. You’ve exhausted me. And more than that, you’ve exhausted and changed a person I love a lot. Myself.