I am sure I am not the only person who has grown up to this saying “It is all in your head” I have heard this from so many people in my life. I am not sure what reminded of this phrase but I feel as I have some sort of connection to it. Maybe it is the fact that when I woke up this morning I felt so relieved that I went to bed sober again and that I have been able to do so for so long. I woke up feeling very mindful and lucky to be where I am, I got up with the kids today so my wife could sleep in and as I was making my coffee I thought to myself “Wow I do not feel like shit” meaning I did not have a headache I did not feel like I was the worst person in the world, my body did not feel heavy and like it was slammed on a concrete slab 90 times. Instead I woke up feeling proud and happy to be able to be here for my kids 100% even though my damn head has been spinning like no other and my feelings of worthlessness have been higher lately, I do not have to add being a drunken assshole to the mix I am able to just deal with the Mental Health side instead of more shit :Drunk JR” would have done. Which brings me back to the title I thought of this as I was reflecting on my morning and realized that out of all the insane sayings and phrase I grew up with this one is not that absurd in the sense in a way all this shit is in my head, I mean where the hell else is it? now I get that the context of this phrase is to imply that my Mental Illness and Addictions is all apart of some made up fairly tale I created in my own head, when in fact that is the bullshit part but this is what my parents generation grew up on told that depression was their fault if you just think happy you will be happy Um, really well in that case I should be happy all the time with no issues what so ever, not the case even though this is a phrase that is old and not used as often there are still a lot of people that are being told this in which they grow up feeling that everything is their fault. When they try to think happy and they truly can not feel happy they turn to things such as drugs and alcohol to help become happy since they feel they are broken and can’t just make themselves happy.
So the feedings of loneliness and hopelessness start to form and soon will be so strong that turning back will be impossible. Now I am also a whole hearten believer that Mental Illness and Addiction especially Alcoholism is hereditary I have seen way to much evidence to prove this theory so when you think about it if a child grows up hearing these types of phrase could they be the product of an Alcoholic parent who is in denial because of what they grew up on and were told when they had life issues? I would put my life savings on it in fact I would bet that if you asked anyone in recovery they would have some sort of phrase similar to this one they were told. “Get over it” is another one I am reminded of also if you asked anyone in recovery I am willing to bet that 9 out of 10 of them grew up in a house to where at least one parent was an Alcoholic depending on the room might even get a 10 out of 10 see growing up with a parent who was an Alcoholic even if that parent was in recovery for a good length of time the odds that the gene and predisposition to that trait is there in that child, now growing up with a parent who is in recovery gives that child a hell of a lot more of a chance to live a chemical free life everything we know now has been learned from when we were younger because the truth is I am older than I was yesterday everything I learned yesterday was stuff I learned when i was younger. I believe that our behavior is learned and that is all based on what was given to us on our genetics. The fact is I do have a choice on how my day will go in the way I choose to feel it, I can not control my thoughts or what happens in my head but I can choose how I interpreted it and choose how I want to feel about it.